Once you have been separated for 90 days, you become entitled to have your CCTB and GST credit payments be recalculated based on your new family net income, likely significantly lower than you and your spouse together. In order to have your benefits recalculated, you must submit a CRA document entitled “Marital Status Change” available through the Government of Canada website.

After separation, if the children spend about 50% of the time living with each parent, you may be entitled to share eligibility for the CCTB and for the child portion of the GST credit. If this is the case for your family, you must submit a CCTB Application form and indicate this shared parenting regime. Once the form is processed, each parent will be individually assessed for eligibility. Also, each parent will receive this credit on a 6-month on, 6-month off rotation. If one parent is ineligible for the credit because their family net income is too high, then the eligible parent will receive the credit for 6 months, and the ineligible parent will not receive any credit for the remaining 6 months.

Did you know that you could have your eligibility recalculated? Was this helpful to you? Share your stories with me – send me an email or follow me on Twitter at @stephaniecollab and send me a tweet.  I want to hear from you! Find archives of my articles on our website.

Download PDF

• š      Change beneficiary designations on insurance policies, retirement accounts, etc.
• š      Create a file to keep your divorce documents in a safe spot for future reference (e.g. Separation Agreement, Divorce Judgment, Divorce Certificate)
• š      Review your Property Division Agreement to ensure that all loose ends have been tied up (e.g. transfer of RRSPs, settlement payment made in full, vehicle registration transfers completed, division of pension, etc.)
• š      Close joint accounts, especially those with overdraft capabilities
• š      Return supplemental credit cards to your ex
• š      Apply for division of CPP credits if you have not waived your right to do so in your Property Agreement
• š      Ensure mailing address is correct
• š      Update your will

Remember, each situation is different, and your Separation Agreement and/or Court Order may state that some or all of the above checklist is inappropriate for you to complete.  Check with your lawyer if you are unsure of whether you may follow this checklist.

Has this checklist been helpful to you? Share your stories with me – send me an email or follow me on Twitter at @stephaniecollab and send me a tweet.  I want to hear from you! Find archives of my articles on our website.

Download PDF

If you engage in either the Collaborative Process or in Family Mediation, customarily you will start out the first session by listing your goals or “interests” – what is important to you in achieving a resolution.  These are all the pieces of the puzzle that you need to create your mission statement.  It’s about moving forward and ensuring that your thoughts and behaviour during your divorce are in line with your core values.

Some of the following goals / interests may help you to create your mission statement – at the end of my divorce, I want the following to be true:

• I want to have established good communication patterns with my former spouse
• I want my kids to feel loved in both mom’s house and dad’s house
• I want to have taken control of my emotions
• My former spouse and I were able to settle all of our issues out of court

I will achieve the above goals by doing the following:

• I will put my kids’ needs above my own
• I will seek the emotional support that I need
• I will focus on the future, not on the past
• I will choose to see my divorce as a transition, not as an end
• I will surround myself with people who are supportive of my choice

Remember, if you want to have a successful transition from being married to separated to divorced, you need to begin with the end in mind.

Have you created your divorce mission statement? Share it with me – send me an email or follow me on Twitter at @stephaniecollab and send me a tweet.  I want to hear from you! Find archives of my articles on our website.

Download PDF

1. Privacy: Documents filed in Court are a matter of public record… forever.  If you go before a Judge, you will likely be in a courtroom where any member of the public may attend.  By contrast, in the Collaborative Process, you and your spouse meet privately in 4- way meetings with your lawyers to negotiate your agreement and settle all your matters. 
2. Time Effective: You’re a busy person.  You don’t need to have your divorce consume your life for the next 2-5 years, as the litigation system can offer.  Get your matter resolved in an estimated 2-6 months using the Collaborative Process! 
3. Reduce Stress:  Emotions will consume you during your separation especially as you and your spouse try to work thru your issues.  Work towards a common goal of finding a solution that works for your entire family, rather than working against each other in the adversarial court process.  
4. Maintain Control: Don’t leave the decisions about how you will lead your post-divorce life to a Judge.  Keep the decision-making process between you and your ex, with the expertise of your lawyer.
5. Reduce Negative Impact on Children: How you conduct yourself during your divorce will have an impact on your children.  If you are in a heated battle with your ex, your children will know it and will suffer.  If you are working with your ex to keep the conflict at bay, your children will be more resilient in the end.

How did you feel after a Collaborative Divorce? What about after a heated court battle? Share your stories with me – send me an email or follow me on Twitter at @stephaniecollab and send me a tweet.  I want to hear from you! Find archives of my articles on our website.

Download PDF

Usually, the goal of creating a parenting plan is to come together with the other parent to make a plan which will allow flexibility and adaptability to the changing needs of your children.  As their needs change, so too should your willingness to alter your original “plan”.  A judge can also impose a parenting plan, but that’s not what this article focuses on.

In a detail parent-made parenting plan, you are able to be very detailed and really think thru how decisions will be made about the kids instead of simply saying “joint decision-making on major decisions”.  What types of decisions will be joint? What can be decided by one parent alone? Who may communicate with 3^rd party professionals as it relates to the kids’ welfare?  What if one of you wants to move away? Or just go traveling with the kids?

Then there’s the other “stuff” which you may not otherwise think about – how will you resolve disagreements if you can’t DIY? What are the guidelines around disciplining the kids? Safety and supervision of the kids? Are there any travel restrictions on the kids? How will relationships with extended families be maintained?

Many parents who come to me to develop a parenting plan have never thought of these types of questions.  “My my… that’s a lot of detail” they say.  When I help parents develop their plan, I encourage at least the contemplation of these types of questions.  It’s up to you as to your level of detail, but I recommend discussing as much as possible about parenting your kids post-separation to avoid opportunities for conflict later. 

More ideas are contained in the PAS participant’s manual which can be found online at: http://tinyurl.com/cx79jzf.

How detailed is your parenting plan? Is it useful? Has it avoided conflict for you? Share your stories with me – send me an email or follow me on Twitter at @stephaniecollab and send me a tweet.  I want to hear from you! Find archives of my articles on our website.

Download PDF

Be open and honest – Work with a lawyer who you feel comfortable with.  You will be confiding in this person over the period at least until your matter is resolved.  You want to be sure you are able to discuss all matters of importance with this person.  If you feel that you have an outlet to communicate about your situation, your stress will be reduced.  As I write that, I almost want to delete this last sentence… I am not encouraging you to use your lawyer as your counsellor or the person you call 15 times a day during every crisis.  Rather, you need to be able to be open and honest with your lawyer so that they can help you through the rough patches as much as possible.

Ask questions – Be sure to ask as many questions as you need in order for you to feel informed about the law and how it applies to your situation.  It’s your lawyer’s job to ensure that you understand what is going on in your file every step of the way.  If you don’t understand something, you will likely mull over the issue needlessly.  Ask questions.  Get copies of all documents that are sent or received on your behalf by your lawyer.  Keep track of the progress as you go.  You will feel better knowing what is happening as it happens.

Stay positive – Lastly, rest assured that your lawyer will be with you every step until you have reached the light at the end of the tunnel.  During your early separation days, you may feel intense emotions.  Having your lawyer by your side, supporting you as you go through this very difficult time, can be a positive force for you if you allow it to be so.

Have you had a “good lawyer” experience? Has your lawyer helped to reduce your stress? Share your stories with me – send me an email or follow me on Twitter at @stephaniecollab and send me a tweet.  I want to hear from you! Find archives of my articles on our website.

 Download PDF

Be flexible and accommodating – remember the old saying “tit for tat”.  If you are flexible with the other parent, they will likely return the favour to you later.  Life happens.  There are times when unavoidable things come up, and changes are required to the original plan.  If you allow for these changes to positively affect the kids, they will.  For instance, if an event comes up that doesn’t fit in your original schedule, but the kids would love to be able to go, then see if you can make it work.

Bite your tongue – don’t you remember what your mother told you? If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.  It’s a given that you should avoid entering into conflict with your ex in front of the kids.  Many of my clients tell me that they avoid fights until after the kids are in bed, or they get “into it” where the kids can’t hear.  Guess what… are you sure they’re really sleeping? Are the walls really that thick? Avoiding conflict, not hiding conflict, is the best solution if at all possible.

Review your plan often – if you have a parenting plan, you should check in with the other parent at certain intervals to ensure that the plan is still working, and that nothing needs to be changed.  Your plan should be well documented and up to date; if you change your plan verbally over the years and don’t update it, you could be in for some conflict later if a disagreement arises over how you agreed to co-parent.

Have you been a successful co-parent? Share your stories with me – send me an email or follow me on Twitter at @stephaniecollab and send me a tweet.  I want to hear from you! Find archives of my articles on our website.

 Download PDF

The first Wednesday in February (this year it was Feb 1^st) is Family Mediation Day inCanada as designated by Family Mediation Canada.  It’s a day to celebrate family mediation and the benefits that it brings to families going through separation and divorce.  Since we didn’t have an article coming out on that day, you’ll have to accept this article as a Happy Belated Family Mediation Day.

Have you considered the option of Family Mediation to assist you and your former spouse to resolve your separation or divorce issues? It may be of interest to you if you answer “yes” to any or all of the following: 

1. I want to have control over the decisions that my former spouse and I make
2. I want to resolve my issues quickly
3. I want us to both come out as “winners” rather than there being a “winner” and a “loser”
4. I want to maintain or improve communication with my former spouse

In short, as a family mediator I will facilitate the discussion between you and your former spouse with a view to arriving at a mutually acceptable solution to your separation and divorce issues.  At the end of the mediation, you will be provided with a Mediation Report which should be taken to a lawyer to be placed in a legally-binding format.

Have you tried family mediation? Was it successful? Did you realize some or all of the above benefits? Share your stories with me – send me an email or follow me on Twitter at @stephaniecollab and send me a tweet.  I want to hear from you! Find archives of my articles on our website.

Download PDF

I want to take this opportunity to set out some of the types of family conflict where a trained mediator can assist to resolve the issues for you: 

• Divorce / Separation – dividing property, creating a parenting plan (custody & child support, etc.), determination of spousal support
• School and parents / community
• School peer disputes
• Parents and their children
• Adult children and their parents
• Community members or groups
• Adult guardianships and family caregivers
• Members of blended families (step-parents, step-kids, etc.)
• Parties involved in adoptions
• Family Business issues – succession planning, relationship transitions for family business members, dissolution issues, ownership issues
• Estate planning

Are you facing any of these issues and don’t know where to turn? Contact a mediator who can provide you with additional information on the mediation process and whether it may be a good choice for your particular dispute.  In essence, the mediation process opens up the lines of communication such that each person in the room can understand each other’s point of view and try to come to a consensus on how they will move forward from that point.  Often it can be helpful because parties feel that they can’t resolve the issue themselves but don’t want to escalate it into hiring lawyers and/or going to court; this is a middle-ground where the parties can get one professional involved to assist them to move towards resolution.

Have you tried mediation? How did it go for you? Was it successful? Share your stories with me – send me an email or follow me on Twitter at @stephaniecollab and send me a tweet.  I want to hear from you! Find archives of my articles on our website.

I thought I would share Rosalind Sedacca’s list of the “10 Biggest Mistakes Parents Make Affecting Their Children After Divorce”, with which I agree wholeheartedly:

1. Fighting in front of the children: studies show this does the most damaging
2. Failing to remind children that none of this is in any way their fault – they are innocent
3. Forgetting to emphasize that Mom and Dad will still always be their Mom and Dad — even after divorce!
4. Confiding adult details to children in order to attract their allegiance or sympathy; this creates guilt and confusion within kids because they’re not prepared to handle it.
5. Asking children to bear the weight of making decisions or choosing sides.
6. Using your children as spies to provide you information about your ex.
7. Using your children as intermediaries: providing messages, answering questions and communicating with your ex in your absence.
8. Putting down, disrespecting or in any way alienating the other parent: devastating, confusing – makes them feel guilty for loving their other parent.
9. Lying to the children to justify decisions you made that disrespect their other parent: they’ll resent you when they are grown adults.
10. Neglecting to repeatedly remind children that they are safe, innocent and very much loved.

I encourage you to visit www.childcentereddivorce.com for some more tips on putting your kids first during your divorce transition and beyond.

Do you agree with this list?  Have you made any of these mistakes? Share your stories with me – send me an email or follow me on Twitter at @stephaniecollab and send me a tweet.  I want to hear from you! Find archives of my articles on our website.